


Christmas Miracles

by LeftyVoyager



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Christmas, F/M, Holiday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-08
Updated: 2014-12-08
Packaged: 2018-02-28 14:31:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2736083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeftyVoyager/pseuds/LeftyVoyager
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After almost 3 years of travel in the Delta quadrant, Captain Janeway realizes that another Christmas away from her loved ones is approaching.  Is the latest wormhole that appears the solution to her problems?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Christmas Miracles

**Author's Note:**

> Warning!  This is my first fanfiction story ever, and I was 19 years old, and it shows.  There are parts that I like, though, so I'll post it.  Written during season 3.  The only editing I've done is cleaning up formatting and removing typos.  Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer:  Paramont is the Master of all of Star Trek and it's characters, I just make them do their own thing. I write for myself and not for money or anyone else, so no need for the Master to worry about little me. My stories are generally PG, but if you can't handle an occasional naughty word or a little bit of violence, or a little bit of intimacy, then you have serious problems because most things you'll find on the internet are worse! :) I won't tell you that you can't copy my work and send it around because I have no right to copyright something that really belongs to the Master, anyway, but if you do, give me some credit and let me know, okay? Thank you and enjoy!

Christmas Miracles

"What triggered THAT off?"  muttered Captain Kathryn Janeway to herself as she welcomed the sound of her ready room doors closing, blocking her from her bridge.

She couldn't understand it.  She wasn't a religious person, or that emotional, but Tom's joke had set off a spark that her own Vulcan-like control couldn't hide from the rest of the bridge crew.  She began to pace the room.

It had been a good day - a wonderful day.  Nothing had gone wrong at all.  On a day like today, overworked and undernourished weren't excuses.  So what WAS it?  She went over the events in her mind again.

Everyone on the bridge had been in a relaxed, almost playful mood.  She and Chakotay had been talking about the possibility of taking shore leave at the next available M-class planet.  Then Harry mentioned the prospect of dating one of the Delaney sisters when Tom dropped the bomb and said, "Well, you never know.  After all, Harry, Christmas is coming!"

Those words had caused her to stop mid-sentence, sent a chill down her spine, and had caused her to run like a frightened animal to the safety of her ready room.  It was almost like a reflex action.

Of course, she knew the emotionalism had a lot to do with Mark.  She pondered this as she stopped pacing and picked up his picture from her desk.  Even though she did not believe in the Catholic religion, her fiancee had insisted that she use Christmas as a time to be with her loved ones.  He and she had been spending Christmas with her grandmother, mother, and sister for quite a few years.  As a tear ran down her cheek, she realized that her door chime had chirped more than once.

"Come in," she said, wiping away the tear and sitting at her desk.

"Are you all right?" asked Commander Chakotay as he stepped into the ready room.  His concerned gaze examined her pale complexion.  She was spooked about something, he thought.  When his eyes met hers, she turned away.

"I'll be fine, Chakotay.  I just felt a little ill and needed to get away," she answered.

"Are you sure, Kathryn?" he asked, gently.  Although she had agreed that he could call her by her first name in private, the sound of it today made her shudder.  Noticing, he said, "Maybe you should go down to sickbay."

Suddenly feeling very weary, she responded, "No, I think I just need to be alone for a while, if you don't mind."  She went to the replicator and ordered a cup of coffee.

"I'll leave you alone for now.  Anytime you want to tell me what's going on, you know where my quarters are," said Chakotay.  He turned to exit but then swiveled back around.  "Oh, I thought I should tell you that some members of the crew are throwing a Christmas party in Holodeck 3 next week....  Captain?"  He had managed to grab on to her trembling hands before she dropped the coffee mug.  What had he said wrong??  As he led her to her chair, he noticed that her face had gone, incredibly, whiter than before.

She couldn't believe the intensity of feeling that swelled inside of her.  A year ago, Christmas had come and gone, leaving her unaffected.  Now, a week before Christmas, and all anyone had to do was say the word, and she was a mess.  When she could speak again, she decided to use the "overtired" excuse.  "Chakotay, I'm sorry.  I'm just very tired.  I'll be fine after a good night's sleep."

He didn't buy it, but he didn't see any good in forcing her to talk to him.  "All right.  But if you're physically ill, you should see the doctor.  And please don't hesitate to come talk to me.  I'd love the company."  With that, he left.

With a sigh, the captain decided that she no longer felt like drinking coffee.  She rose from her chair, disposed of the coffee, and got into a reclining position on the couch so that she could see the stars outside the ship.  Slowly, her eyelids felt heavy, and she drifted off to sleep.

She had not intended to be in the ready room all night, but come next morning, she was still on the couch lightly snoring when Chakotay came in.  She stirred a little when he covered her with a blanket, deliberately brushing his hand against her forehead.  She seemed a little warm.  Maybe her malady wasn't psychological, as he feared, but he doubted it.  Desiring to give her some privacy, he left the ready room.

About an hour later, the captain found herself being awakened by a first officer who could barely contain his excitement.

"Wha - what time is it?" she stammered.

"0900 - you're late for your duty shift, but that's not important.  We've found another wormhole, Kathryn, and Harry has confirmed that it leads straight to the Alpha quadrant!" said Chakotay.

"How long before we intercept it?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.

"About four and a half hours.  I've already sent a probe," said Chakotay.

"Excellent.  I'll be on the bridge as soon as I freshen up and have some breakfast," said the captain.

At least she hasn't forgotten to eat, thought Commander Chakotay as he smiled and left the ready room.

Half an hour later, Captain Janeway was on the bridge, showing no signs of weakness or fatigue.

"Sorry I'm late, Commander," she said.  It was more of an apology to the bridge crew than to Chakotay.  He nodded.  She sat in her chair and scanned all the faces on the bridge.  Everyone was clearly optimistic.  Even Tuvok's expression seemed lighter than usual.

Harry, bursting with enthusiasm, reported, "Scans still confirm that the wormhole leads to the Alpha quadrant.  Well, Tom, maybe I won't be needing that Christmas present after all."

Kathryn shuddered.  Her own enthusiasm had curbed a worse reaction, but she had to make sure last night wasn't repeated now.  "Ensign Kim, not all members of this bridge crew celebrate Christmas.  All of this Christmas talk might make people.... uncomfortable."

"Yes, ma'am," Harry said as everyone gave the captain confused stares.  She shifted in her chair.

An hour of silence had passed.  The captain's last, unusual, statement had left the crew unsure of what to talk about.  Kathryn groaned inwardly.  Just because she was uncomfortable, she had managed to make everyone else uncomfortable as well.

It was Harry that finally broke the silence.  "Captain, the probe has approached the wormhole."

"On screen," she ordered.  It was the most beautiful thing she had seen for quite a while.  The song, "I'll Be Home for Christmas" suddenly popped into her head.

"Captain, as I have reminded Commander Chakotay, this is our last probe," stated Tuvok.  "If it is destroyed in this wormhole, it will take weeks to build another one, assuming that all the materials are available.

If she weren't on the bridge, she might have told him that if this wormhole destroys this probe, she might just try to vaporize herself.  Instead she said, "We have to make sure the wormhole is safe for the ship.  Send it in, Mr. Paris."

"Yes, ma'am," said Tom with his usual smirk.

"Not crunch time, yet, Mr. Paris," said Janeway, smiling.  She'd let Harry slip with the word "ma'am" she hated so much, but wasn't about to let Tom escape quite so easily.  Since they'd be waiting for a while, she hoped her comment would pave the way for some bridge conversation.  Fortunately, it did.

When no one was paying attention, Chakotay turned to Kathryn and whispered, "What's bothering you?"

"Nothing," lied the captain.

"Can we talk about it later?" he asked.  She glanced at his tattoo so she could avoid making eye contact with him.  It was distorted by the concern in his face.

"If we can get through this wormhole, there won't be anything to talk about.  I just felt a little homesick, that's all," she admitted.

"Be careful what you wish for, captain," he said, winking.

"Bingo!" exclaimed Tom.

"Report, Mr. Paris," said Janeway.

"The probe has cleared the wormhole.  There's an M-class planet 2 light years away from it," said the pilot.

"On screen."  A fuzzy picture of a planet appeared.

"Earth!" gasped Harry.

"Mr. Kim, open a channel to the probe.  I want to record a message," said the captain.

"Aye, captain," said the ensign.

"This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager to anyone who encounters this probe.  We are trapped in the Delta quadrant.  The probe you have encountered has successfully journeyed through a wormhole in this proximity.  I am now attempting to fly the ship through.  I hope to see you soon."  She signaled for the connection to be cut.

"Captain, we're being hailed!" said Harry Kim.

"On screen."

"I am Opamar, President of Anaidnia, a class M planet close to your present location," answered a short humanoid figure with pointed ears.  He looked something like an elf.

"I am Captain Kath--"

"I know - Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager.  I viewed your message as it was being transmitted to your probe.  You want to enter our sacred shrine.  I'm sorry, but I can't permit it," said the alien.

"President Opamar, could an exception be made just this once?  We are a very long way from home and have been traveling for two years now," pleaded the captain.  She turned to her first officer and whispered, "Get Neelix, now!"

"Captain, you've already committed sacrilege by sending your probe.  I'll have to consult the elders.  But captain, you're reputation precedes you.  Your courage and dedication are greatly admired by our people of Anaidnia.  Therefore, you and your people are welcome to visit our beautiful planet.  A conference with the elders will take three days.  You will not be allowed to come to the proceedings until the third day.  On that day, you will come alone to the location I will give to you.  Agreed?"

"Of course.  Thank you in advance for your help.  Janeway out."  A few moments later, Neelix hurried on to the bridge.

"I'm sorry, captain.  My leola root stew was boiling over," he explained.

"Neelix, what do you know about Anaidnia?" asked Janeway.

"The Anaidnians are a very, very nice group of people.  I was considering Anaidnia as a good place for our next shore leave.  But they're extremely superstitious.  I wouldn't touch anything they claim to be sacred.  Ususally, they're so nice that nobody minds following a few little rules," said Neelix.

"Just great!" muttered the captain.

"I thought that would have been good news..." said Neelix.

"Normally, it would be, Neelix, but that sacred wormhole may be our only ticket home," said Chakotay, pointing to the viewscreen.

"Oh!  In that case, you could possible appeal to their elders.  But be careful. They do believe in sacrificing people.  They might just decide that Voyager can pass through the wormhole as long as somebody dies to appease their gods," said Neelix.

"That person would be me," said Janeway.

"Captain!" exclaimed Chakotay.

"No butts, Commander.  Let's hope it doesn't come down to that, but if it does, I'm not letting the fact that I have to die stop this ship from getting home," said Janeway.

"Well, that's all the information I have.  Guess I'll go back to my cooking now," said Neelix as he left.

"Chakotay, set up a shore leave schedule.  I'll be in my ready room," said Janeway curtly as she left the bridge.

Furiously, she stormed into the ready room, took Mark's picture and hurled it across the room, where it shattered.  She then pushed everything from her desk to the floor.  By the time this was done, she was in tears.  She started to try to piece Mark's picture frame together.

Without her having heard him come in, Chakotay had crossed the room and placed his hand on her shoulder.  Startled, she wheeled around.

"Relax, it's me.  Let's talk," said the commander.  He led her to the couch and sat next to her with his arm around her.  Normally, she would have avoided such close contact with him, but, frankly, at this point, she did not care.

"I can't handle this anymore.  Anytime there's a way home, there's always strings attached.  In the end, we're the losers.  And it always ends with me destroying the way home," she said.

"Tough decisions, all of them.  You've saved a lot of lives out here," said Chakotay.

"Meanwhile, 5 people of ours are dead," said Kathryn.

"Four," corrected Chakotay.

"I count Seska."

"Why?!" exclaimed Chakotay.

"It's my fault we're all still out here.  I destroyed the array."

"You can't STILL feel guilty about that!"

"I do.  Besides, she sided with the Kazon because I wasn't doing enough to get us home."

"You've done more than anyone can do!  Seska does NOT count as a judge of leadership!"

"My head hurts.  Just leave me ALONE," groaned Kathryn.

"What's wrong?  You've been so irrational lately.  There's no reason to give up so easily.  Perhaps the elders will sympathize with us.  In three days, we could be home," said the commander, pulling her a little closer to him.  This time she resisted and moved to the opposite side of the couch.

"It's never that easy," she said.

"Well, if it's not, there's always plan B," said Chakotay.

"What's that?" she asked.

He got up and started to straighten out the mess in the ready room.  "We could wait for the decision, and if we don't like it, we can fly through the wormhole anyway," suggested Chakotay.

"That's the last thing I expected you to suggest!  You would desecrate something that another culture sees as holy?"

"I really don't think the gods would come down and destroy their planet if we passed through their shrine," said Chakotay.

"So you're not going to say to me, 'Kathryn, have you ever thought that maybe these gods really do exist?'" she said, doing her best to imitate him.

"Maybe the gods do exist, but I don't think they'd object too much to their space being used to help others, that's all," said Chakotay.

After a few minutes of silence, Chakotay walked back to the couch and sat down next to Kathryn, putting his arm around her again.  To his surprise, she rested her head on his shoulder.  "So, Kathryn?"

"Mmm?" she answered.

"Why do you hate Christmas so much?" he asked in an innocent voice.

She paused.  Then she sighed.  "The memories have been very overwhelming lately.  Thoughts of my family have been coming to me in my dreams.  I've even been thinking a lot about my father lately... and he's been gone.... for .... a long time." She sighed again.

"The idea has just set in, hasn't it?" asked Chakotay.

"What idea?"

"That we might actually be out here for a long time.  And that frightens you."

"That's not what frightens me..." she responded.

"Then what?"

"Being alone out here for a long time.  That's what seems to have just set in."

"You'll never be alone with me on this ship, Kathryn.  I've made a promise to protect you, physically and emotionally.  And to make your life easier and more comfortable.  And if you can't stand me, you're like a surrogate mother to the rest of the crew.  Most of the people on this ship would follow you anywhere," said Chakotay.

"I'm just glad you're following me because the Maquis are following you!" commented the captain.

"I hoped you would say that we've been walking side by side," answered Chakotay.

"Well, sometimes I leave you behind, and other times, you just walk too damned fast," said Kathryn.

"If we stand still, at least we'd be together," he whispered.  He wanted to kiss her.  Damn, he thought, this is no time for a hormone attack.

"But we wouldn't get anywhere," whispered Kathryn.  She was falling asleep on his arm.

Chakotay shook her gently.  "Kathryn?  Come on, wake up.  Let me walk you to your quarters."

Suddenly, the full impact of just whose arm she had been falling asleep on struck, and she jumped up.  "I - I'm sorry!" she stammered.

"It's okay.  Come on, you're tired," he said, leading her towards the door.

"Oh, it's a mess in here," she commented, leaving his side to pick up some things.

"Don't worry about it - I'll clean it up.  Let's go."  He then walked her to her quarters, made sure she was okay, and went back to clean the ready room and try to repair the picture frame.

By mid-afternoon the next day, Chakotay had already been back from visiting the beautiful planet they had gone into orbit around.  He was tempted to stay the whole day, but he knew there were things on the ship that needed to be done, and he didn't know the state of his captain's nerves.

"Computer, locate Captain Janeway," he said as soon as he was alone.

"Captain Janeway is currently in her quarters," chimed the computer.

"Has she left since last night?" he asked.

"Negative," answered the computer.

"Damn," he muttered.  It was past 1300 hours.  Even on her worst days, he'd never seen her get up later than 1100.  He decided to pay her a visit.  He stopped in front of her door and rang the door chime.

"Come in," said Janeway, dejectedly.

He entered and found her at her computer.  She looked tired and she was still in her bed clothes, but at least she was working.  "How are you doing?" he asked off-handedly.

She swiveled around in her chair and said, "I hope you didn't come here just to talk about me."

"Okay, then.  I just came back from Anaidnia.  It's a great place.  The people treat our crew like heroes.  Maybe you should come down and check it out."

"Commander, how about you let me the luxury of wallowing for one day, and I promise you tomorrow I will visit the planet, and the next day, I will be perfectly ready to perform my duty in the negotiations."

He pulled up a chair and sat close to her.  "Sounds like a fair deal.  Mind if I join you?  Misery loves company."

"And just what are you miserable about?" she asked.

"It's infectious.  You're miserable, and that's making ME miserable.  In fact, you're so miserable that you could make Tuvok miserable," said Chakotay, almost making her laugh at the thought of Tuvok trying to explain that she was making him miserable.

"All right, Chakotay, you got a smile out of me.  Now, is there any REASON why you set out to bother me, or did you just want to see me in my nightgown?"

"I felt SOMEONE should talk to you.  Would you rather I sent the morale officer?" asked Chakotay.

"Oh, please - no singalongs!" she exclaimed.

"Besides, your sister left an interesting tidbit of information in your psych profile," he said.

"You read it??!" she exclaimed.

"When I put on my counselor's hat, I do a very thorough job," he responded.

"What did she add?"

"I probably shouldn't talk about it now.  It has a lot to do with the way you responded to your father's death," said Chakotay.

"Well, I hope she didn't mention the day she poured cold water on me to get me out of bed," said Kathryn.  "That's my sister - always trying to protect me from my self-inflicted damage.  Who would have guessed that she'd be able to get me 70,000 light years away from home?"

"She knows you very well," observed Chakotay.

"You're getting almost as bad.  But I must say I've..... enjoyed your visit," she admitted.  He smiled.

"How about some lunch?  I've got enough replicator rations to order up a decent meal," said Chakotay.

"Another ploy to get me to do something?  Very well, we'll play by your rules.  And your replicator rations!"

So, they sat on the floor and ate, to Chakotay's great surprise, pizza.  "That wasn't in my psych profile, too?  Pity," she had answered his questioning glance.

Once they were finished eating, they engaged in some small talk about the things that had changed since the beginning of their tour of the Delta quadrant.  Chakotay, belatedly feeling the strain of his morning's excursions on Anaidnia, unsuccessfully attempted to stifle a yawn.

"Am I keeping you awake, commander?" asked the captain.

"Not at all.  Quite the opposite, actually.  Your sleepiness is infectious, too.  Tuvok's lucky - he can stay awake for days at a time.  Of course, since he's been dealing with you, it's straight to bet at 1900 hours each night like a good little Vulcan," he said lazily.

"In that case, I guess you wouldn't mind being used for a pillow," she said, inching over to him and leaning on his shoulder.  Within minutes they were each peacefully dozing.

The captain was the first to awaken.  She stood up, gently, so as not to wake Chakotay, and stretched.  Then she looked down at him.

She had to give him a lot of credit.  After the four months they had spent stuck on a planet they called "New Earth" together, Chakotay had made it clear that he was interested in a romantic relationship with her.  Now that she was vulnerable, another sort of man might have tried to take advantage of her.  But Chakotay seemed to respect her views on the impossibility of such an idea.

She went into her bathroom and changed into her uniform, figuring that if she didn't make an appearance at least once today, Tuvok would start to worry as well.  She was fixing her hair as Chakotay's  commbadge went off.  "Tuvok to Commander Chakotay."  

He stirred, but did not wake up.

"I'm here, Mr. Tuvok, what can I do for you?" she said, tapping her own commbadge.

"Captain, I am surprised to hear from you.  You are listed as being off-duty for today.  I had hoped you would spend your day off on the planet," said Tuvok.

"Chakotay was just briefing me about what to expect on Anaidnia," she said.

"In any event, Chakotay had told me he would be on the bridge an hour ago and never showed up.  I know I am a Vulcan, but I have worked two duty shifts in a row.  I have no desire to work a third."

"My apologies, Mr. Tuvok.  I'm afraid I've kept the commander from getting his work done.  I'll be there in a few minutes.  Janeway out."

She walked over to Chakotay to wake him.  "Chakotay?" she whispered, shaking his shoulder lightly.

"Hmmm?" he mumbled.

"Chakotay, wake up!"

He opened his eyes and looked around the room for a few seconds as if not sure where he was.  Then he saw the captain and realized he was in her quarters.

"Did you have a nice nap?  I'm going to the bridge to relieve Tuvok.  You can take the evening off," she said.

"Sure," he answered, rising to leave.

"And Chakotay, thank you for changing hats for one day."

Well, you know, if this is how you usually wallow in your grief, I'm surprised you don't grieve more often," he said as he winked at her and left the room.

Maybe he was taking advantage of her in his own way, seeing how much protocol he could get her to break.  But, at this point, he seemed to be genuinely concerned with helping her, and the closeness they had shared was very comforting.  She pondered this as she headed toward the bridge.

As she was almost there, Tuvok stopped her in the corridor and pulled her to the side.

"Yes, Mr. Tuvok?" she asked.

"Captain, I am concerned about the events that have been transpiring lately between you and Commander Chakotay."

"What?"

"For security reasons, I want to know why the commander did not answer and you did.  My findings were that he was in your quarters," said the Vulcan matter of factly.

"Yes, he was in my quarters!  We were talking, we had lunch, and we fell asleep.  Is there a problem with that?" she asked, blushing.

"Captain, may I remind you that you do not have the luxury to pursue relationships of the romantic sort.  We have discussed this and agreed about it before.  Knowing humans, the seemingly innocent events of today could blossom into a series of events you cannot control," stated Tuvok.

"Tuvok, what if I were to tell you that for the sake of my own well-being, I need these events to transpire the way that they are?" she asked.

"Captain, I've noticed that your thoughts have been very unfocused lately.  I am merely pointing out that you may want to think before you proceed."

She leaned back against the wall of the corridor and closed her eyes, fighting back the nausea she felt.  All of the confidence she had built up in Chakotay's presence had deflated.  She opened her eyes and said, "Well, Mr. Tuvok, you've just earned yourself a third duty shift.  I'm going to sickbay."

"I am relieved to hear you say that, captain.  I hope I have not offended you in any way," said Tuvok.

"I know it wasn't intentional, Tuvok, but it hurt me nonetheless.  I hope you can understand that Chakotay's actions are also well-intended," said Janeway as she brushed passed him to go to sickbay.

She entered sickbay, sat down in a chair in the doctor's office where he was doing reports and said, "I feel sick."

"Could you be a little more specific?" asked the doctor, annoyed.

Kes knocked on the glass and the two acknowledged that she could come in.  "Captain, I've felt that you've been agitated lately.  Would you like to talk about it?"

"Yes, I would," said the captain.  The doctor rose to leave.  "I'd like you to stay as well."

"Very well.  But I'm a doctor, not a counselor," stated the hologram.

So, she described everything to them - how her homesickness started, the time spent with Chakotay, and the argument she'd had with Tuvok.

When she was done, the doctor exclaimed, "There is absolutely nothing in my medical database that can help you with any of this!"

"But doctor, you have been in love before," said the Ocampan medical assistant.

"Yes?" said the doctor impatiently.

"Well, how did it feel to lose your loved ones?  The captain and many others on this ship have to learn to deal with the idea that they may never see their families again," said Kes.

"I see your point," said the doctor.

"What should I do?" asked Janeway.

"Before you do anything, why don't you wait until you get an answer from the planet.  Maybe you'll be surprised to see that they'll let us go through," said Kes.  "Why do you seem so negative about the wormhole?  Everyone else on the ship is ecstatic."

"She's upset because there's a part of her that doesn't want to go home just yet," said the doctor.

"What makes you say that?" asked Janeway.

When I was in love, I was always afraid it would end.  It didn't matter whether the end was good or bad.  A way back to Earth would mean an end to a new relationship with Commander Chakotay that's just barely begun.  You deny it, captain, but I can see that you are in love with him.  And that only adds to the guilt you feel about betraying Mark," said the doctor.

"And the idea that there's a part of you that's in no hurry to get home gnaws away at you, making you feel like you're not doing enough to get your crew home," added Kes.

"I'll have to think about that.  I'll admit that there's an attraction between me and Chakotay, but I don't think I'm in love with him," said the captain, looking down at the floor.  She felt tired again.  She'd been sleeping too much lately, she thought.  Just like the addendum to her psych profile had suggested - when she got depressed, she slept.

"Captain, I do think what you told Tuvok is right.  You need the relationship between you and Chakotay to develop naturally," said Kes.  "I think it could only serve to strengthen your professional relationship and make you a better team."

"Thank you, Kes, and thank you, doctor.  I will keep all of this in mind.  Right now, I'd like to get to sleep early," said Janeway.

"Good.  And I want you to take this."  He handed her a hypospray.  "It's a mild sedative.  You'll sleep much better," said the doctor.

As the captain left, Kes said, "But doctor, that's...!!!"

"An empty hypospray.  But she will think it's a mild sedative," said the doctor, beaming.  "It's an old psychological trick."

"So, you're a doctor, not a counselor?" asked Kes, and they set off to do the tasks that needed to be done in sickbay.

Meanwhile, Chakotay was in Chez Sandrine's on holodeck 3 shooting some pool when Tom walked in.

"Commander Chakotay, what a surprise!" exclaimed Paris.  "I don't see you in here very often."

"Unless you have some real alcohol to offer me, I suggest you leave me alone," said Chakotay.

"Nope, no alcohol.  Say, you're not having lady problems, are you?" asked Tom.

"Is it that obvious?" asked Chakotay.  He put his pool stick down and sat at a table.  Paris followed.

"Care to talk about it?" asked Tom.

"All right.  But we never had this converstation."  Paris nodded.  "There is someone on this ship who I've fallen in love with.  But she has someone back home.  She's been suffering from some serious bouts of homesickness lately, and I've been spending a considerable amount of time with her.  She's not ready to give up hope for getting her old relationship back, but she's getting closer to that point.  Then there's this wormhole.  I thought she'd be happy to hear about it, but she's not.  And besides, if she resumes this former relationship, I may never see her again."

"Do you think she likes you?" asked Paris.

"I'm not sure.  We've been a lot closer lately, but I don't know if it's because she's not feeling well," said Chakotay.

"If she at least likes you as a friend, I'm sure she'll still talk to you when we get home.  Whatever happens, I think this is a scene that just has to be played out naturally.  If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.  If not, oh well," said Tom.

Chakotay sighed.  He knew Tom was right.  "Thanks, Tom.  You've given me something to think about."  He rose to leave.

"I'll play you a game," said Tom.

"No, thanks.  I'm going to my quarters," said the commander, leaving the holodeck.  On his way to his quarters, he ran into Tuvok.

"Commander, I need to talk to you," said Tuvok.

"Sure.  We'll go to my office."  Once they got there and were seated, Chakotay said, "What's the problem?"

"What were you doing in the captain's quarters today?" asked Tuvok.

"I don't have to answer that!" snapped Chakotay.

"I must remind you that Captain Janeway has enough to worry about without your flirtations.  She already has a suitable mate at home," said Tuvok.

"Don't you think I know the captain has a lot to worry about?  What do you think I was in her quarters talking to her about?  Supposedly, you're her friend, but did you know that the thing she's needed the most was someone to talk to?  Did you know that she feels alienated from the crew?" yelled Chakotay.

"Commander, there is no reason to shout.  I can hear you just fine," said Tuvok.

"Well, hear this.  The next time you come in here and accuse me of doing the captain injustice, I will bring it to her attention, and she can tell you for herself that I have been a perfect gentleman," said Chakotay.

"Well, I urge you to remain professional about this whole situation," said Tuvok.

"I urge you to get the hell out of here before I explode.  That's an order!" snapped Chakotay.

"Very well," said Tuvok as he left.

"Computer, locate Captain Janeway," said Chakotay.

"Captain Janeway is in her quarters."

"Sleeping?"

"Affirmative," answered the computer.  Chakotay then decided that he should do the same.

He had spent an hour tossing and turning.  Just as he had fallen asleep, he was called to the bridge.  Upon his arrival, he saw that Tuvok, Paris, and the captain had been awakened as well.

"What's going on?" Chakotay asked.

"The wormhole is closing," said Tuvok.  "If one more object goes through it, it will collapse according to my readings."

"I intend for this ship to be that object," said Janeway.  "Mr. Paris, break orbit.  We're going to anger a few gods."  She stifled a yawn.

Just as they were about to enter the wormhole, an object popped out.

"It appears to be our probe, captain," said Tuvok.

"Damn!" shouted Janeway.  The wormhole disappeared from the viewscreen.  The bridge fell silent.

"Captain, we are receiving a message from President Opamar," said the ensign at ops.

"On screen," said Janeway, her voice faltering slightly.

"Captain Janeway, I am sorry about this tragedy.  My meetings with the elders were going so well.  They were inclined to let you use the wormhole.  I hope you will stay another day and partake of our hospitality," said the president.

"I thank you for all of your help.  I'm sorry I never had a chance to visit your world personally, but ours is a long journey.  I won't delay for another day," said Janeway.

"Good luck, captain," said Opamar as he disappeared from view.

"Mr. Paris, set a course for home, warp six," said Captain Janeway.

"Captain, we have retrieved the probe.  There is a message from Admiral Paris recorded and a personal message to you," announced Tuvok.

"Patch it through to my ready room," she said as she rose to leave the bridge and motioned for Chakotay to follow her.

"Captain Janeway, this is Admiral Paris.  The wormhole you have encountered has been part of an artificial attempt to reach the undiscovered sectors of the galaxy.  I would not advise passing through it, for it is unstable at this end.  Your situation is unusual and tragic.  But don't give up.  Now that we know where you are, we will do everything we can to help you.  If there's a captain in the fleet who can handle this situation, it's you.  You were one of my brightest students.  Don't lose heart.  I hope my son isn't causing you any trouble.  Tell him I love him and I miss him."

The personal message was from Mark.  He appeared on her monitor with her dog at his feet.

"Kathy, it's a relief to me to know you're alive and well.  These past two years for me have been hard.  At first, everything I did reminded me of you.  But after a while, I just had to move on.  I still talk to Phoebe and your mother all the time.  However, I have been seeing other people, and I hope you have been, too.  I love you, Kathryn.  That's why I have to let you date other men.  When you come home, I want to see you happy and healthy.  I don't want to hear that you waited thirty or more years for me.  Take care of yourself, and have fun out there.  You're an explorer in the unknown.  Make us proud.  You'll always be in our hearts.  Merry Christmas!"

"Oh, God!" exclaimed Kathryn.  She burst into tears.

Chakotay held out his arms.  She entered his embrace.  "It's going to be all right, Kathryn.  Everything's going to fine," he repeated, trying to console her.  "Shh."  He rocked her back and forth.

"I can't do this anymore!  I'm falling apart!" she sobbed, shuddering.

"You'll do fine.  You just need some time," said Chakotay, continuing to rock back and forth.

"Guess we have all the time in the universe now," she said.

"Shush!"  answered Chakotay.  He led them to the couch and they sat.  She was clinging to him, and her tears had drenched the front of his uniform.  "Everything's going to be fine, Kathryn."  He stroked her arm gently.  It took an hour and a half for her to cry herself to sleep.  Just as he was about to close his eyes, the door chimed.  "Come in," he called, hoping she wouldn't wake up.  It was the doctor.

"Good morning, Commander.  I thought I would use my holo-emitter and make a house call," said the doctor.

"She's exhausted.  I've never seen anyone cry so hard in my entire life," said Chakotay.

"You don't look much better," observed the doctor.

"I'll be all right.  I just hope she comes out of this depression," he said, closing his eyes.

The doctor pulled out a hypospray.  "Sweet dreams," he said, giving them each a REAL mild sedative before he dimmed the lights and left the room.

They had slept for roughly 16 hours.  Chakotay was the first to wake up.  He almost immediately reported for duty.  When the captain rose, she exited the ready room, whispered a few words of thanks to the commander and quickly retreated to her quarters.

After his duty shift was over, Commander Chakotay decided to check out how the preparations for the party were going.  Tomorrow was to be Christmas Eve, and the day of the celebration.  To his delight, as he entered holodeck 3, he found Tom alone.

"Hello, Commander," he called.  "Just making some minor adjustments  to my program before the party tomorrow night."

"Something wrong with the characters?" asked Chakotay.

"Well, not exactly wrong.  I just wanted to tone them down a little, you know....  In case the captain shows up.  I wouldn't want them to say the wrong thing.  I'm worried enough about my own mouth," he said.

"You probably won't have to worry about it, Tom.  She's got her door locked with so many codes that security wouldn't be able to get in to save her life," said Chakotay, sitting at one of the tables.

"She's the lady, isn't she?" asked Tom suddenly.

"I'm afraid so," admitted Chakotay.  "Are you sure you don't have any real alcohol in here?  I feel like getting plastered."

"Sorry, I save my liquor for SPECIAL occasions.  You're letting her mood bring you down."

"What would you do if you were in my shoes?" asked Chakotay.

"Get plastered.  So, what did good old Dad have to say?" asked Paris, changing the subject.

"Just that he loves you and he misses you.  And to stay out of trouble," said Chakotay.

"Hmph.  I'm surprised he mentioned me at all," said Tom.

"What about you, Tom?  Are you anxious to get home?" asked Chakotay.

"No way.  I've had a better life on this ship than I could ever hope for at home.  Sorry about all the trouble I've caused you.  I'm used to hating authority.  But you and the captain are different," said Tom.

"How so?" asked Chakotay.

"You give a damn.  You want to know what we think and how we feel.  And you care about each other.  The four months you were gone last year were much, much more terrible than any of the reports you were given."

"And just what do you care about, Mr. Paris?" asked Chakotay.

"A Delaney sister on each arm..... and an occasional responsibility to take care of," said Paris.

"You haven't changed a bit since I met you, Tom, but your personality is starting to grow on me," admitted Chakotay.

"I'll take that as a compliment," said Tom.

The next day came, and Janeway still didn't leave her quarters for the entire day.  At 1900, the party had started, and the captain was nowhere to be found.

Chakotay sat dejectedly at a table by himself until he was joined by Tuvok.

"I believe the correct greeting would be, Merry Christmas, Commander," said Tuvok.

"Merry Christmas, Tuvok.  I'm surprised to see you here.  Social events aren't exactly your forte," said Chakotay.

"I was hoping Captain Janeway would come.  I also wanted to apologize for giving you and the captain a hard time.  It has taken me too long to realize that the demands she and I set were much more difficult to meet in practice," the Vulcan said as apologetically as a Vulcan could get.

"It doesn't matter," sighed Chakotay.

Suddenly, Neelix appeared at their table and said, "Come on, Commander, Mr. Vulcan.  This is supposed to be a party!  Cheer up!"

"Mr. Neelix, I will remind you again that Vulcans do NOT cheer up."

"What you need, Mr. Vulcan, is to dance!"  Before Tuvok could object, Neelix pulled him out of his chair and pushed him around the dance floor.  It didn't make Tuvok laugh, but Chakotay was hysterical.  

Suddenly all noise came to a halt, except for the tail end of Chakotay's laughter.  All eyes were fixed at the door.  Chakotay's eyes followed suit.  It was the captain, dressed in full dress uniform, as it was agreed the dress code of the gathering would be.  Tom poured her a glass of synthenol.

"Well, since I have everyone's attention, I'd like to propose a toast.  Let me start by saying that I am blessed to be constantly surrounded by very wise men.  One of them once told me that Christmas is a time that is best spent with family.  Another has told me that home is wherever you happen to be.  I've spent just about this entire month wishing I was home with my family, when in reality, I have been the whole time."  She raised her glass.  "To those two wise men, and to the crew of this ship, my wonderful new family."

Chakotay stood.  "And to the captain of that crew, whose own wisdom and courage have gotten us out of many scrapes.  She's the best damned Starfleet captain in the Delta quadrant."  The room burst into applause.

"Please, stop!" she laughed.  I'm the ONLY Starfleet captain in the Delta quadrant!"  As the party resumed, she made her way over to Chakotay's table.  

"I was hoping you'd come," said Chakotay.

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world," said Kathryn.

Their eyes met, and neither of them spoke for several minutes.  Finally, Kathryn broke the silence by saying, "Well, I believe the doctor has said this best:  Chakotay, I am romantically attracted to you and was wondering if you felt the same way."

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" he asked.

"Do you see the mistletoe hangin above this table?" she replied, mischievously.  They kissed.

Harry Kim had witnessed the entire event.  "Tom, did you see that?" he exclaimed.

"Like I said, Harry, Christmas is coming.  Delaney sisters at 2 o'clock!" said Paris.  They then took off in that direction.

When the party ended, Chakotay and Kathryn left for their quarters together.  They stopped at Chakotay's door.  "Come on in for a minute, Kathryn.  I have something for you," he said, picking up a wrapped present.  "I know we had all agreed that the exchange of gifts would be a useless waste of replicator rations, but I wanted to do this for you."

She gasped as she opened it.  It was her picture of Mark from her ready room.

"I fixed it for you after you shattered it the other day.  I'd like you to keep it on your desk.  If you ever feel like we're moving too fast, let me know.  I've waited a long time for this.  If necessary, I can wait longer," said Chakotay.

"Thank you, Chakotay," she said.  He then walked her to her quarters and kissed her good night.  They had both agreed that it was time to start sleeping regular hours so that they could resume their usual duty shifts.

On Christmas morning, both Janeway and Chakotay were on the bridge on time for their shift.  They sat in their respective chairs with their hands joined together.

"Chakotay, where's Mr. Paris?" asked Kathryn.

"I don't know.  Maybe last night was a 'special occasion,'" said Chakotay.  She looked at him quizzically.

"Captain, there's an M-class planet slightly off course that is rich in metals suitable for repairs on the ship," announced Harry.

"B'Elanna," said the captain, tapping her commbadge, "How badly do we need the metals on that class M planet?"

"They would be put to good use, captain, but it would just be icing on the cake," answered the chief engineer.

"Course, Captain?" asked the helmsman.

She looked at Chakotay.  "No mining today.  Let's make some Christmas miracles, shall we?  Set a course for ho-  I mean, the Alpha quadrant.  Warp six."

"You're making me uncomfortable, Kathryn," grinned Chakotay.

"What?"

"Talking about Christmas on the bridge."  Harry heard this and smiled.

"Remind me to find a way to court martial you when we get back to Federation space!" retorted Kathryn as the ship accelerated to warp six and continued its long journey to the Alpha quadrant.

The End.


End file.
